SIDE BY SIDE
It’s been a “funny” couple of months.
And when I say funny I don't necessarily mean "haha" funny. More like weird-funny.
The year started pretty well, then got a little interesting when I picked up pink eye in both eyes. Not a big deal. Lots of people get it. It's usually just a major inconvenience. Well, major inconvenience was a nice way to describe this pink eye bout. It would not clear up or improve and I had to go on two rounds of antibiotics over the course of a couple weeks! I spent a lot of time at home. I wasn't contagious, but I wasn't up for being out and about with the beady, little red eyes I was sporting. So I enjoyed the pared down social life and spent time crocheting, enjoying some solitude, and time with the Lord. It was really nice. I was content to sit quietly and enjoy His peace.
However, I spent so much time crocheting and being peaceful that my back stiffened up and I threw it out somehow. I still managed to get to meetings and to church but no sooner was I able to get back to normal life, then I was forced to slow down again. And the only position I was truly comfortable to be in was flat on my back. It was not only painful but a total bummer because, as you can imagine, it's very hard to crochet laying down... just sayin'.
Understanding that this wasn't a major health crisis, though certainly not fun, I began thinking and wondering “what is God showing me right now and what is He saying to me?". So I began asking Him. And do you know what He said?
Nothing.
Like, really nothing.
I heard “crickets” as the saying goes. I realize this doesn't really make for interesting reading up to this point but stay with me...
After about a week I was feeling much better and back to normal life, when I notice a little bump in my hairline. Within about six hours, I notice another one. I thought “how strange” and my hubby offered, "maybe something bit you". Then a troubling thought entered my mind, “could it be shingles”?
The answer is "yes," it could be.
And it was shingles.
I got in right away to see a doctor and started on medication immediately.
I will spare you all the not-so-interesting details about how things went with the shingles virus, except to share that the biggest concern and challenge was that the nerve band affected had my right eye in its path. The pain and blisters continued to pop up around my right eye but gratefully I never got a blister on my eye, which could have been dangerous.
So once again, I was back at home with lots of balls of yarn and zero plans to go anywhere.
I began to resume my question, "Lord, what do you want to say to me or show me right now?" I didn't hear anything audible or even receive words or thoughts but I continued to feel peace, warmth and the sense that I needed to be still and quiet. So that's exactly what I did.
Collectively, it had been about 6 or 7 seven weeks of quiet time with God. My shingles had cleared, my back was much better, and my eyes were white again. Understanding I was likely on the other side of this “streak", I found myself at a good place to pause and look back on it all. There was no giant download or big ‘AHA moment”, (as Oprah used to say in the 90’s), but I wanted to reflect back on that time and give it my best hindsight analysis.
Here is what I realized...
That season was a much needed side-by-side time with God.
There was no major activity that took place or long conversation that unveiled a mysterious truth about who I am to Him or who I am for others. So to many of you it might sound really boring and uneventful. You may even be thinking “why am I still reading this and why does this matter?” But bear with me a little longer.
I think it's possible that for men, this kind of side by side time together feels more natural. Ladies, I think we may tend to want to sit quietly with “others," even the Lord, so long as it's somewhat productive and something has been accomplished, learned, or gained at the end of it. Guys are more likely to accept it for what it is and not pressure themselves to produce, but rather just be there, in the moment. But being a woman, it's tough for me to just sit without expectations--I want to produce.
Not this time though!
I sat quietly and obediently, often with long periods of nothingness. Or so it seemed.
And why does this matter?
Because sitting side-by-side with the Lord is precisely what He calls us to!
The verse Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know I am God'' comes to mind. God loves it when we still ourselves and fully consider who He is.
Or another of my favorite verses, James 4:8 “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you”.
During that quiet time of intentionally drawing near to God, I often looked out my windows and looked at God's creation. I always admire his handy work and marvel at all the ways that all the creatures and creation are so different, and yet the same. We are all absolutely dependent on God and one another.
Another activity I engaged in during this time was watching the cars drive up and down my street, wondering where they were going and what they were doing. Who are they? What are their lives like? What joys and challenges are they facing? Before you label me a nosy-neighbor, know that I thought those things without judgment. It was with interest and intrigue at all the different lives around me and the dynamics within them. "Do they know God loves them?" was a question that came to mind often.
I had no interest in thinking about who I was or the meaning of my life.
I just sat side by side with the Lord and enjoyed who He is and thought about His kingdom here on earth.
It made me remember that my street is part of the kingdom. My backyard is part of the kingdom. My grocery store. The Caribou I frequent. And, of course nobody had to tell me what I already knew, that even Home Goods (my absolute favorite) is in fact the Promised Land, and definitely part of the kingdom!
But it isn't the stuff we get from those places that matters, is it? Just like God did with me, so He wants to do with you, and with all those people in all those places.
He wants you, me and them to “be still and know He is God.”
He wants us to stop and “draw near to Him so that He can draw near to us”.
He loves to have side-by-side time with us, where we just dwell with Him, abide in Him and simply be with Him -- no agenda, no "what’s going to be my big takeaway". It's better than that! It's bigger than that! Its presence with the Lord, and you cannot be the same after knowing and experiencing it.
Now to clarify, since this experience, I in no way feel that I can climb tall buildings in a single bound. And I certainly don't feel more powerful than a locomotive, like Superman. I feel absolutely the same as I did, albeit a bit more rested. What is different goes far beyond feelings.
The shift that took place was in “the knowing."
Knowing is 1000 times better than feeling. I no longer need to “feel” God's presence to “know” He is present. What I have come to know, in a way that I will never be able to un-know, is that God is at my side and He loves it there! That's not a small thing, it's huge. Most of us, including myself, often don't feel worthy of God's love, let alone to sit in His presence.
Anytime that I want, I can do just as James suggested in James 4:8 I can “draw near to Him and He will draw near to me”.
I have noticed that I can come to that place of stillness so quickly now and know that I am in the presence of God.
No sunset required. No cathedral with stained glass as the backdrop. No powerful worship song invoking my natural instinct to stop and praise Him.
Those things are great and I have felt God's presence in those kinds of situations, but this is different. It's so much better than that -- it is wherever I am, He is too. He does go before me, as it says in Deuteronomy 31:8, but he also loves to sit side-by-side in the “no places” and the “no where's" of life.
So, I’m encouraging you: the next time you’ve been taken out of the game, so to speak, do your best to not fret about it. Instead, try asking God "what should we do today?" Chances are He would love some side-by-side time with you.
Stay there!
Resist the temptation to move on too quickly. Ask Him what He wants to show you, then wait. It might take weeks, potentially. Maybe even months. And while I certainly don't wish a string of little ailments to accompany you, the reality is, that's life. Chances are you're in the midst of all sorts of things, and maybe far worse than what I have just experienced. It may even leave you to wonder where He is and when He will free you from this place you're in.
That may make what I’m about to say may sound cliche, but its true. And here it is…
God is with you.
And the biblical call over your life is to “be still and know that He is God.”
“Draw near to God and He will draw near to you”. It's really not harder than that.
Oh yeah, and that deep question we all struggle with, “who am I?” That's not hard either, "I am a child of God!"
With that simple truth, known beyond all feelings and doubt, that question can be laid to rest leaving you and me with so many other more useful questions to ask. Questions like “how can I be of help?” or “how can I be useful in this situation?” Those are the questions that make sense to ask when you just know that God goes before you, and behind you, and is always at your side.
As I wrap this up, in my imagination I’m picturing God sitting next me. He’s looking over at me while patting my knee with his hand. He has a smile on His face and he says “you got it kid.” He rises slowly and kisses the top of my head. There is nothing sweeter, there is nothing more full or more peaceful than being with Him, and never in my life have I been less worried about how it all makes me feel.
I know the presence of God, and it's so good.
I'm praying that you, and so many more, will experience the same when your season of stillness begins.









